Ding Dong The Witch is Dead!

Ding Dong the witch is dead!

 

"She's not only merely dead,

She's really most sincerely dead."

She's positively, absolutely undeniably and reliably dead!"

Yes, let the joyous news be spread. The wicked old witch at last is dead!  ( Wizard of Oz)

I feel fantastic tonight, so light and fluffy, nearly two decades of angst just slipped off my shoulders today and evaporated into light, airy nothingness. BLISS.

I walked around floating on a cloud of euphoria like an infatuated young girl , her life suddenly brought to life by the attentions of a handsome beau. 

And all of this the result of a few snippets of conversation with K, my eldest, whilst we were sitting in the waiting room of the facial-maxilla surgeon's office. This was to be our last appointment post operation ( see inglorious braces) with the (divorced and single) surgeon.

The patient before us,was the same girl who was in hospital with K, they had the same operation. So the two of them could compare notes on how things were going. 

"Does your jaw click ?" 

"No, does yours?"

They eventually got on to the subject of how sick and tired of soup they both were. 

"I stayed with my dad about a week after the operation." says K.

"My grandma and grandpa arrived so my dad's girlfriend spent hours in the kitchen cooking these fancy meals every night to impress them, and all I got to eat was butternut soup" she complains.

The receptionist calls the other girl in. The two are us are alone in the waiting room. I am slowly savouring the delicious little morsel of information that had just been served up to me. I picture poor Fluff slaving in the kitchen,making homemade pasta instead of lying on the beach. The Wicked Witch of the East having just flown in unannounced and gatecrashed what was to be a relaxing week  at the beach. Oh how many times has that happened to me??? I don't have enough fingers or toes to count!

"I thought Fluff wouldn't really have to work hard to impress gran and grandad??" I pretend to casually remark...

"Oh no," says K. " She does"

"Fluff says that  she always feels judged by gran and she just hates having them around because she doesn't  feel like gran likes her."

"Gran complains Fluff isn't organised enough."

" I guess no-one will be good enough for her son," she sagely remarks.

For so many years I have allowed this couple to make me feel lousy about myself. A large part of me believed that I wasn't worthy of their approval. I can remember trying so hard to win their affections and failing so miserably. How it hurt so very very deeply. In contrast, my parents welcomed Roger into the family, like their own son and loved and appreciated him. Oh how I wanted to find out how to unlock that affection from my  in laws. If only they had a heart....

I have tortured myself by imagining Fluff, Roger and the in-laws, sitting round the table, laughing and joking together. Fluff meeting their approval and running in the inside track of their acceptance and love. It ate me up inside. And for what? It was absolutely incorrect. In fact Fluff is suffering in just the way I did, trying so hard to win them over, the truth of it is, she never will. 

It frees me completely from the thinking that this was because of my failings. Iv'e been sitting for nearly 18 years with the Wicked Witch of the East , screeching my worthlessness from rooftop to rooftop.When like Dorothy - Ive had the power to go home to a place of love, worth and acceptance at the click of my heels.

If I had just been true to myself , I would have caused the cyclone to drop that house on top of  the Wicked Witch of the East. 

So tonight I celebrate the final demise of the Wicked Witch of the East - she's positively, absolutely, undeniably and reliably dead...

but somewhere.....in Durban, her sister the wicked Witch of the East, has taken up residence in poor old Fluff's mind. She's sitting on a couch, in full control of the remote, singing "I'll get you my pretty...."

I think I may have to buy Fluff some sequined red shoes for Christmas. I don't think she deserves to be tortured the way I was....do you????

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