Eventually all those firsts become something ethereal that binds us with invisible cords to the one we love with shared jokes and memories, experiences, confidences shared and TRUST. We make certain adjustments for each other as we learn to intertwine our hopes and wishes and dreams with theirs and make our best efforts to accommodate each other in the arrangement. Sort of like two dancers in a rather complicated contemporary dance.
Certainly as we come to know each other, there are always those unexpected surprises. Obviously we love the ones when our partner reveals something about themselves or does something completely unexpected and totally wonderful. At times the unexpected shocks arrive too and we do our best to deal with them and make mature choices about whether we can live with them or not. If we decide we can live with them we stay and make allowances for the odd quirks and mannerisms that form part of the make up of the person we have chosen to spend our todays with.
In some cases we know that it isn't a workable match. We question whether the other person " is really that into us after all" and realistically realize we are no longer just ourselves anymore, we are so much more, kids, dogs, household routines and lifestyles. When the puzzle pieces don't match, we try to live with the differences for a season since we've invested ourselves quite heavily in the relationship. A sort of balancing the books ritual follows as we try to assess losses versus gains. When we finally realize it isn't going to work out, the process of letting go begins to happen. We slowly begin to retract ourselves, like someone trying to steal back the bedclothes from a light sleeper, till eventually we have to make the break and leave all the good behind, rueing the choice to become more than friends in the beginning and then we feel LOSS and sometimes this comes with RELIEF.
The hardest part of this process is letting go, knowing you may never hold that wonderful person so close to your heart again. Letting go of the good parts is especially hard, your mind is wise, but the heart isn't willing and loneliness waits patiently for you in the shadows with your bag packed for the next portion of your journey. You feel the chill of fear, loneliness is not the most pleasant of travelling companions. Yet in the silence you do learn more about yourself, a twixt and between the the empty inbox and painfully silent cell phone.You may be filled with regret and guilt or the pain of rejection and the pang of an empty love life when you see a couples embrace.Letting go of your hope is perhaps the hardest part of all, what are the chances of that elusive balloon slowly drifting back down into your life a few days, weeks, months or years down the line.Will you ever feel like that again? UNCERTAINTY. Will this all be a big mistake? Letting go? Life is about making key decisions about what to hold on to tightly and what to let go of with unwilling fingers and hands. The human foibles of holding on to and letting go, we grasp what we shouldn't and let slip that which we musn't. Never sure whether we are making another awful mistake.
Letting go is a very individual process. Seldom do two people in a relationship feel ready to let go simultaneously. Usually one leaves long before the other. Leaving the other trying to grasp tightly to the emptiness of a love already let go.
In some cases we know that it isn't a workable match. We question whether the other person " is really that into us after all" and realistically realize we are no longer just ourselves anymore, we are so much more, kids, dogs, household routines and lifestyles. When the puzzle pieces don't match, we try to live with the differences for a season since we've invested ourselves quite heavily in the relationship. A sort of balancing the books ritual follows as we try to assess losses versus gains. When we finally realize it isn't going to work out, the process of letting go begins to happen. We slowly begin to retract ourselves, like someone trying to steal back the bedclothes from a light sleeper, till eventually we have to make the break and leave all the good behind, rueing the choice to become more than friends in the beginning and then we feel LOSS and sometimes this comes with RELIEF.
The hardest part of this process is letting go, knowing you may never hold that wonderful person so close to your heart again. Letting go of the good parts is especially hard, your mind is wise, but the heart isn't willing and loneliness waits patiently for you in the shadows with your bag packed for the next portion of your journey. You feel the chill of fear, loneliness is not the most pleasant of travelling companions. Yet in the silence you do learn more about yourself, a twixt and between the the empty inbox and painfully silent cell phone.You may be filled with regret and guilt or the pain of rejection and the pang of an empty love life when you see a couples embrace.Letting go of your hope is perhaps the hardest part of all, what are the chances of that elusive balloon slowly drifting back down into your life a few days, weeks, months or years down the line.Will you ever feel like that again? UNCERTAINTY. Will this all be a big mistake? Letting go? Life is about making key decisions about what to hold on to tightly and what to let go of with unwilling fingers and hands. The human foibles of holding on to and letting go, we grasp what we shouldn't and let slip that which we musn't. Never sure whether we are making another awful mistake.
Letting go is a very individual process. Seldom do two people in a relationship feel ready to let go simultaneously. Usually one leaves long before the other. Leaving the other trying to grasp tightly to the emptiness of a love already let go.
Beautiful, poignant, and so true.
ReplyDeleteLetting go *is* a very individual process. You're so right. And everyone lets go in different way.
ReplyDeleteWishing you luck... and a great holiday season.
Kate and Annah, thanks for the comments. Hope your Christmases are super too!
ReplyDelete