It's 1am, and here I am, still awake. Cruddy Crudcakes! This is crazy, Roger went on an extended "buisiness trip" in March 2008, from which he never did return. I was teaching when I presume he snuck in and packed his bags. I don't know, perhaps he had been stockpiling undies and clothes for a while. "Buisiness" had him on a short leash and he was run ragged servicing her needs. One night he came home and told me he wasn't sure he wanted to be married anymore. I didn't sleep a wink that night, I was panicked, nauseous, free falling into nothingness. Could this really be happening after all I had been through?
I went to school the next day, as if nothing had happened, Roger was going to come back to me about what his decision was, I was numb. His final answer was quite explosive, and I quote, "Do I love you?HELL NO! Do I want to be married to you, HELL NO!" At least the man is clear, leaving no margin for doubt.
For a while he stuck to the story that he was merely unhappy in the marriage, but unfortunately, for him, through a strange turn of events, that involved a car crashing into the causeway bridge, not his or mine, and me having to walk past his house, I happened upon a little overnight bag spilling with very colourful bra's. I explained that I was about to throw out some of my stilletto's would he like them for his cross dressing purposes, or would he just like to come clean and say what we all knew was the truth anyhow. Enter Fluff, the 28 year old, soul mate of Roger into the picture.
I don't begrudge, Fluff her dear Roger.I have no desire to have any romantic connections with him, besides I'm not sure all the machinery is working too well over there anyhow. The last unromantic sexual encounter we had was more like a sound technician who was testing his equipment. I kid you not. We had had a famine in the bedroom for rather a long time. One day out of the blue, Roger rolls over and says, this will make your knees weak ladies, I'm feeling a little relaxed now, lets have sex.( Don't tempt a lady on diet with a cookie)
Now I am a woman in her sexual prime, the sexy forties, and I'm parched, so I say OK. Well clearly the machinery was just not working so well, don't take it personally, he apologizes after a rather poor showing. I say the usual, don't worry this happens to everyone, or so I'm told. He's quite pleased with himself that at least in the end the most important bits work. Hindsight is 20/20 and I am a bit peeved that our last encounter involves our intrepid sound technician, going "testing,testing.... ( A dress rehearsal for something he and Fluff have planned?) If I had it to do over again, I would have said :" Go test your equipment where you intend using it, Buster! What do I look like a modified crash test dummy!" ( I don't swear, except in traffic, so that would have had to do)
It's been a while, since our hero departed the scene, riding his little blue Palio into the sunset, off to rescue the dear tenderhearted, Fluff from her life as Human Resources manager at a high end lodge in the Kruger Park.
Almost two years , so I must be honest I was not prepared to still be having days like this when it hurts so much still. I'm not kidding when I say it really hurts and I'm a real stoic when it comes to pain. I have had 5 babies for goodness sake!
Sigh, I must say, having purged this part of my story out into the ether capacious - I feel a whole lot better. I may even sleep. Blog catharsis.I hope you don't feel too used, dear reader, assuming there are any of you out there. Like the bear who went over the mountain, the only way to get to the other side is through, can't go around it. So whether mama told me about it or not, I guess there will be days like these, sad, hurtin',mournful days as I lay my old life to rest and start all over again.
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