A Dreamer gets one step closer to the saddle...Hee Hah!

When I was a college student, I dated a guy called John. He had a dream. He wanted to own a tandem. When his grandfather died he left each grandchild a little bit of money with the stipulation that they use it on something that brings them joy. No serious presents like a set of pots for cooking or a tumble dryer. With his money, John bought himself a tandem. He had always dreamed of having a tandem. So I hopped on the back and we lived his dream together. After a little bit, our wobbles were sorted out and I fitted quite nicely into his dream. We did the Argus Cycle tour, 104 km's around Cape Town. I have such fond memories of doing that race.

When Roger came along, it seems that I figuratively hopped on the back of his tandem of dreams and peddled along really hard trying to help him get closer to his dreams. He wanted to work overseas, and we moved over to Canada. He wanted to fly fish in the Rockies, he did that. He wanted to do photography. He bought all the things he needed to take indoor photography, lights, backdrops and screens. He got himself a nice digital camera too. He wanted his pilots licence, he got that too. I figured that my dream was to have a happy marriage and one way to do that was to help him reach his goals. Besides I never really had a good handle on my dreams and never felt like I could go out and buy stuff for me as we were always spending a fortune on Simon's dreams.

So I sit and think and wonder to myself, what are my dreams? I am friends with John on facebook and he has moved from road racing to mountain biking. I look at his photo's with his face covered with mud and I say to myself that really looks like a lot of fun. I remember when I was pedalling at the back of his tandem, they are happy memories. I think to myself that I would like to do mountain biking. Then my good natured fears say to me - You are so old, you are so unfit. Don't do it you will embarrass yourself - You'll fall down the mountainside. True I probably will, a few times. I'm anxious, I'm nervous and I'm scared. I talk myself out of it. It's too expensive, you can't justify the expense ( And I probably can't) You won't have the time. To the back burner these dreams are dispensed.

Today I had an interview with a mom. She is a mountain biker. She knows all about it and all the races. She is going to lend me her book on how to get fit for mountain biking. I say, to heck with it all. How long must I pedal for other peoples dreams? It's time I started realizing some of my own dreams. I'm scared but inside myself I can sense I have taken a mental step closer to this dream - I'l be a free-wheeling lass yet!