Men are From Mars, Woman from Venus and Ex's are from Pluto, which isn't even a planet!

I have been tiptoeing around the ex lately trying hard to figure out the best way into his pocket...
You see the motivation is quite honest and selfless, I need to buy the kids school supplies and textbooks for the upcoming school year. The amount of maintenance he gives me isn't quite enough and though we most often squeak through to the next month, a large sum like school supplies just isn't in my budget. We are not officially or legally divorced so nothing is quite set in stone. I'm the legless Stork,with not a leg to stand on.  I look forward to the time when one trip to the maintenance court will find him being extra careful with his  "Lifeboy" soap in the shower of the local lock-up. Our law is quite severe on dead-beat dad's, our jails not very hospitable either.

Unfortunately this divorce is taking extra long for some unknown bad karma in pajama's reason - all I have been able to get out of my latest lawyer is a letter of apology for his tardiness. Something which I will probably have to pay for, by the syllable...I'm loving mama- Africa's efficiency.

Which means...all I have at my disposal are my feminine wiles....Oh bollocks...I could be in a whole lot of trouble here.

Getting your ex to part with cash is truly more complicated than solving the Rubik's cube in three easy moves. Let's face it, he no longer finds me adorable or cute,no long distance eye-lid batting is going to cut it here.It's been so long that any guilt he may have felt has been dissolved in rationalized rhetoric with Fluff and the in-laws punctuating every point with charismatic amens. I could rage and rant, but peace is only a phone click away for him. As most puzzled and perplexed African's say:"Eish!" I feel like I'm one move away from checkmate.

I've served the topic up to him about three times lately, but he has volleyed it right back in my court, saying he can't talk now he is busy. He says he will call back, I'm still waiting. My calls are less welcomed than a telemarketer selling hemorrhoid cream. I'm going to have to ambush him and hit him in the last vulnerable spot left...his desire to appear like the good dad... in his own eyes. I will never use the kids in this kind of tactical play, that is just too dirty and not fair for them.

In this war of the wallet, I'm going to have to think like a great tactician, the brilliant general of an infamous battalion. Gotta brush up on my Tongue-Fu ! Who am I kidding? Roger is the guy with all the guile, I'm just the girl that got played and replayed time and time again. The ex is a whole new species we woman have to figure out.  They hail from a very far away planet all made of freezing cold gas and empty promises, but we have to learn to navigate our way around them anyway.